The choices you didn't make

How long can you grieve the life that you thought that you were going to live?

Do you have to snap out of it in a day, a week, a month, a year? Can you grieve for the loss of the life you were going to live forever?

Plans change. People change. Life sometimes throws you a curve ball that knocks the stuffing out of you. And yet we soldier on. We keep pushing ourselves forward, living life, making plans for a life that we hope to live until the plans change again. Until the people in the plans change. Until a new curve ball comes in and knocks you off course again.

I get that. I know that the only thing you can plan for in life is that you can't plan for life.

And yet I'm still sad.

I'm sad that my Grandad died before he met my husband and my children.

I'm sad that my Gran died before I was ready for her to go.

I'm sad that my parents divorced.

I'm sad that my son is a Type 1 Diabetic.

I'm sad that I'm not leading the life I thought that I was going to lead.

And yet I'm happy.

I live a great life, one that I never planned for, but I'm living happily anyway.

I've learnt things I never thought I would.

I've grown in ways I didn't know I could. Or needed to.

I don't think it is wrong to grieve the life that you thought you were going to lead. I don't think it is wrong to fantasise about how your life may have turned out if you made a different choice here or there.

I just don't know how long it should be before you stop thinking about the choices you didn't make or if you ever do.

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