Ready to move on

My parents moved house just before my seventh birthday, which means that I moved house just before my 7th birthday. I remember it quite clearly because I hated my parents with my all nearly 7 year old might for moving. I had good friends at my school, they lived down my road and I remember going to their houses to play and they came to mine and I knew that when we moved things were obviously going to be different. At the time I didn't understand why we moved, I just knew we were moving away from all I knew, moving away from all our extended family and I was angry. I don't remember showing anyone that anger, instead I let it fester inside.

Looking back, I can see how stupid nearly 7 year old me was. Whilst we were waiting to be shown to our forms in our new School, I studied some work on the wall. My Mum commented on the handwriting of a piece of work and told the headmistress of my new School that I had messy handwriting, although I'm sure she put it a bit less bluntly. The headmistress said to me that they'd have me writing nicely really quickly and I clearly remember thinking "No you bloody won't!" although I don't think nearly 7 year old me swore. I decided then and there that if this school did anything for me the one thing they wouldn't do was change my handwriting into this curvy neatly spaced perfect font on the wall.

The anger I felt at my parents for moving was transferred in that second into being something more than anger, it became a determination to not have neat handwriting, something I wish nearly 7 year old me had understood would actually hinder me in life, even now at 34 my handwriting when joined up is a bad scribble and I can only keep it neat if I write for a few minutes at a time. Of course at the new School I made new friends, I was the new girl and because of that I was hot property for a few weeks whilst settling in. At almost 7 most children have formed friendships with the people they like and having a new friend join the dynamic isn't really what they accept, at least that's how it seemed in the 80's, it might be different now as so many things are.

It's rather fitting (Thanks Sally) that the one person I remember as being my friend in those early years was the same person who's neat hand writing I'd been looking at on my first day. I've realised recently that I saw this girl as competition from the first second we met and I recognised her name from the work in the hall. All these years later I can see that I've been keeping myself in an imaginary competition with this girl, (even though we're no longer friends and it's thanks to Facebook that I can compare lives) and that I'm always losing. She's thinner than me (not hard), has more friends with me (real life interactions I mean), more successful in her career (one I wanted for myself), more talented than me, more... I could go on but I've realised that it doesn't matter because whilst she might be all of those things she isn't me. I'm the best me.

Over the last few days I've been forced to examine this period in my life, it's no secret that I've been thinking of changing BB's School (there's a post coming about that on AMR) and I think that I'm finally moving on. I've let go of the anger I had, the determination to not better my handwriting, the competition with the girl and I'm finally ready to be me.

I am a...

I watched a film a few weeks ago, it's a coming of age film called "That's What I am" and is the sort of film that I'll repeatedly watch quite happily, even though I know the plot now.

The point was, that I took a lot from it and it made me think.

What am I?

To the Children I am Mother.

To my Parents I am Child.

To my Siblings I am Sister.

To my Husband I am Wife and Friend.

And yes, I am all of those things. But I'm also not.

I am Pippa who wants a career.

I am Pippa who pretends to be funny.

I am Pippa who tries too hard.

I am Pippa who hides.

I am Pippa who puts on a show for the world.

I am Pippa.

I guess that when you add it all up that what I am really is just a normal human being.

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What I wore on the School run

On Wednesday I was wearing this.

Yeah, I've worn it to Church and think of it as a dressy outfit, but not too dressy right?

Oh Thursday I was wearing this.

Again, yeah I've worn it to Church and again it's not too dressy right?

The problem was that on both days, multiple people asked me where I was going. Asked me why I was dressed up so glam and reminded me that I was only on the school run. So I thought I'd take it to the next level and wore my Evening Gown on the School run today...

That's normal behaviour right?

Free Hot Dinners

I'm not against this idea. Honestly I'm not, but I have reservations about it. It's taken me this long to actually get round to posting about it because, I've needed to think it through, I needed to make sure that what I was saying wasn't a knee jerk reaction, but more a well thought out response. So, the Government says that it wants to give children in the lower years of Primary Schools a free hot meal at lunchtime. Well, free as in the parents won't have to hand money over to the School to get them but as I understand it (and I really should make it my business to know stuff like this), I pay various different taxes which will ultimately fund the lunches.

Right, my first reservation about this plan isn't about the funding of the lunches (although where is the money coming from? Aren't we in debt as a country and shouldn't we be funding things like Policemen, Fireman, Nurses, people fixing potholes, getting the Armed Forces equipment that they need etc) but where exactly are the children going to be eating these hot lunches? At the School where Top Ender and Big Boy go to, they used to eat their lunches in their classrooms if they had a packed lunch and in the hall if they had a hot meal. They changed it so that everyone now eats in the hall. Basically my point comes down to this; Where are the extra Children going to go?

Does the School your children go to have a Canteen that has the space for EVERY child, teacher, teaching assistant and dinner lady in the School? Are they going to need to eat in time slots? Does it mean that children like Big Boy who need to eat at a specific time because of medical needs are going to go first and then other children second? Is there going to be a timer letting the children know there slot is almost up, because another 50 children or so need to get into eat their lunch? Are the older years going to eat later in the lunch period?

Talking of medical needs, Big Boy needs to have the exact amount of carbs worked out for what he is eating, this way we can give him the right amount of insulin. At home, I do this by weighing out all of his food. I have to do this, I can't be gungho and just slap a portion that looks the right amount on his plate because we've learnt the hard way that controlling his blood sugars is a lot easier when we know exactly what he is eating. Can you see a School Caterer using a scale to weigh his meal, to ensure that it is exactly 35g of Mashed Potato he is being given? Are they going to have time to be doing this day after day, when they need to serve 100+ other children at the same time?

What about Children that follow specific diets? What about families who keep Kosher? What about Celiacs that need to ensure that they don't eat wheat or gluten? The current school meal supplier at Tops and BB's School provides a great menu for meat eaters and a second equally great one for vegetarians. Are they going to provide a different menu for each different allergy and specific diet requirement or are they going to adapt the menus to ensure that they are suitable for a wide cross section of diets? The costs for something like this isn't going to be small, and take it from experience catering for several restrictive diets at the same time isn't easy and the end results aren't always tasty.

All the recent data that I've seen has said that it is older School Children needing a hot meal. The children taking exams are the ones that need the meal so that they can concentrate and yet, they are being excluded from this plan. Apparently eating one hot meal at School a day will teach the younger children a lot too because according to Nick Clegg;

"teaching healthy habits young, and boosting attainment early, will bring the biggest benefits"

Really? One meal a day is going to teach healthy habits? How exactly? Surely teaching the children how to cook (like I and probably you were at School and our Mother's skirts) and teaching them a more healthy relationship with food would be better? And whilst we are at it, teaching parents the things they actually need to know about food would be better too? Or is that too much of a Nanny State?

The other problem I have with this, and a lot of parents will have is that I have more than one child. Tops won't be given a free hot meal, but surely she'd need one too? So if I start paying for Top Ender to have a hot meal at School, do my children now get two hot meals a day? One at lunch and one at home with me? Surely two meals like this would mean that the rates of obesity in our children would increase?

Then again if the children have a snack or a sandwich in the evening at home and no longer eat with their parents is this the end of family meals? It wouldn't be practical for me to eat a hot meal at home at lunchtime as it's just me. With Flyfour being at work, I'm sure he'd be able to get something from the canteen but only if they cater for his dietary needs...

As I said, I am not against the idea, I just don't see how it's going to work or benefit families and children and there is a lot more that people need to think about how it is going to change their lives at home.

I have an addiction

And it's not Dr Pepper. You all know that I love Dr Pepper, but I realised recently that I can drink one glass and not a whole bottle so I've solved that addiction.

No, this addiction is slightly more worrying because until this week I didn't realise that I even had it.

This is my kitchen cupboard where I store things for the Children's lunch boxes, you know stickers, cocktail umbrellas, cocktail sticks, cupcake boxes, special boxes and bags and napkins. Lots and lots of napkins.

There's even more fabric ones in the dining table drawer, and there are some very nice Christmas ones in the cupboard under the stairs and some Easter ones in my bedroom and I've just started sewing a birthday set too...

So, make me feel better. Do you have a secret addiction too?

The Junk Cupboard

You know when you pull out the junk cupboard because the time has come and now you have to tidy it up?

And so you pull everything out and put back in the big things that are important and need to be kept.

And you put some stuff to one side that you can sell, because you never use it but you know that someone else would love it.

And you throw away the junk that you have no idea why you kept or how it made it's way into the cupboard?

And then you're left with a tonne of stuff, that you're not quite sure how it fitted into the cupboard in the first place, and nowhere that it can go?

That.

That is my morning.

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A Primary Calling

Every Sunday at Church I get to go to Primary and pretend to be a responsible grown up who is allowed to teach small Children.

Have you picked yourself up off the floor yet?

I did say pretend to be a responsible grown up, I know that deep down I'm still a big kid and the very idea that I should be allowed to teach a group of children is something that cracks me up every time I think about it. And yet, the calling was given to me.

Obviously God has a sense of humour.

When I was called, I accepted the calling knowing that this was an awesome responsibility and not one that was to be taken lightly and yet I wasn't sure that I was the right choice. And for the first couple of weeks teaching the Children I was right, I wasn't the right choice. The Children weren't used to me, I wasn't used to them, I didn't know how best to teach them, how best to gain their attention and keep it...

And so I prayed.

Eventually the Children got used to me and accepted me, they started giving me drawings and letters and would walk with me to Primary or would look to me when they were asked questions they didn't know the answers to in Sharing Time. I realised too, that whilst I might not always get their full attention and keep it that they get mine and they get my love too.

Every time I teach them I know that as long as I do it in love and faith that what each child needs to learn will be learnt. I know that my weaknesses will be strengthened, that my shortcomings will be strengthened and that together we'll learn. And I think, that I rather like it.

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Do you ever not feel like you?

I don't feel like me today.

I feel like the lonely insecure little girl that I used to be, the one I thought I had left behind.

I don't want to play any more, I just want to curl up in a little ball and disappear.

I don't like the hand that I've been dealt, I'm pretty sure it's been tampered with.

I don't like the rules that someone else has made, they put me at a disadvantage.

I'm sure it's just the stress and heat getting to me and that tomorrow after a sleep I'll be better.

I'm sure that in time, I'll look back and laugh that I felt this way forgetting how bad I felt.

It's just that for now and today I don't feel like me.

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People Of Britain Hear My Words!

I feel like I should be sitting behind a news desk and doing my best Sue Sylvester voice, because this is a As Pippa Sees It type blog post, that I sort of promised a young lady I would write to post today.

People of Britain, Onesies are not suitable attire outside of your own home.

Yes, I know they are comfortable and warm, but NO, you don't wear them in public.

Yes, I know that you can get them in different patterns and you can dress up as your favourite Character from Sesame Street, but NO, you don't wear them in public.

Would it be acceptable to you if I wore my Slanket whilst walking around the Supermarket?

Would it be acceptable to you if I wore my dressing gown whilst walking through a department store?

No, no it wouldn't because those are indoor clothes... just like the Onesie.

So do me and yourself a favour and just don't do it.

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Is walking exercise?

Flyfour and I were talking about the long walk I took a few Wednesday's ago and were talking about how fast I walk compared to how fast the average walking pace is. I walk at around 2.9mph, and the average for people my age (but considerably fitter and a normal weight) is 4mph. Personally, I think that considering I am double the amount of weight that a person my height should be, that isn't too bad.

Our research led us to some Government white papers about how much people walk, and how they can encourage more people to walk in the future. I wasn't really interested in this because I don't know how to encourage people to walk more as costs for owning a car are already astronomical and despite living in an area with GREAT public transport it is still in general cheaper and easier for me and many others to use a car.

The white paper also had some research about how often people walk and a surprising amount of people who said they didn't think that walking was exercise!

This led Flyfour and I to discuss how we viewed walking.

Walking to School with the Children in the morning and home again in the afternoon, we don't view this walking as exercise.

Walking around the local supermarket or shopping centre once or twice a week, we don't view this walking as exercise.

When we go for a walk with our family at the weekend, we don't view this walking as exercise.

In the past when we would walk to work, or School or our friends houses, we don't view this walking as exercise.

How stupid are we?! This is all exercise isn't it? Thinking on it now this is the best kind of exercise. If you are busy having fun and exerting yourself at the same time then you don't realise that you are exercising and getting all the associated benefits.

So what about you? Did you think of walking as being exercise or were you like me and Flyfour thinking of it as a way to get from A to B and occasional fun family walks?

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The best role models a family could hope for?

It is a well known fact that I'm a fan of The Simpsons. Even if I have had to ban the family from watching the cartoon at least twice in the last five years. The show has it's fans and it's detractors but, what I think a lot of people don't get is that the Simpson family, is actually a pretty good role model for how a family should be, well in the first couple of seasons anyway, and here are my reasons as to why.

They eat together

Apart from lunch, they eat breakfast and dinner together. They might sometimes watch TV whilst they are eating but they do eat together as a family. How can a real family not look at this and see the positive re-enforcement being made to their own family?

They go to Church

Okay, so you might not, but in general religion is about being nice to each other. It's about doing good and knowing that you have a great power looking out for you and wanting you to make all the best choices for you and your family. I think that's a worthy goal of all families.

They are accepting

It doesn't matter if they are a different religion, a different sexual orientation, a different race, or if they are vegetarians or vegans, or even a hundred other things that you could probably name that makes one person different from another. They accept them as a friend or a family member or part of their community. Sure they might initially struggle with the change, but with new information people can change their opinions.

They stick together

They are a family, who despite their faults and at times dislike for each other are there for each other. They support endeavours which are doomed to failure from the start, they allow each other to go after dreams, to do what they are good at and it's this unconditional support that I want my family to feel and I'd hope you'd want your family to feel it from you too.

They have sex... well the adults do

I was trying to think of a TV Show were the married couple have sex, or even admit to liking sex. Maybe I'm just not watching the "right" TV shows, but I can't think of a single show that has the main characters being intimate with each other in a loving and caring way rather than being duty bound or some other way.

They struggle

They have addictions and they are sometimes short on money. They have homework and a job they hate. They have to deal with bullies and in laws. And yet they manage to do it, whilst still enjoying their life and they overcome their struggles.

It all works out in the end

There is the great quote which I think should be applied to life.

“Everything works out in the end. if it hasn't worked out yet, then it's not the end.”

And that's pretty much how it is for The Simpsons. By the end of the episode, everything is back to normal (well most episodes), the lessons have been learnt and possibly applied and the audience are left with a happy feeling knowing that no matter what life throws at them they can cope too.

What do you think? Are the good values that are shown in the family dynamic of The Simpsons worth the negatives?

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I'm giving up Chocolate

I'm a big Chocolate fan, actually make that an addict. I'm a big Chocolate addict. This wouldn't be so bad if my amazing self control skills could work whilst I was eating chocolate but for some reason I can't just eat one bit of chocolate, I have to eat ALL the chocolate.

Every year I give up Chocolate for Lent, it's hard but I can do it, after all it's only a few weeks. I suffer withdrawal symptoms although I've always put that down to giving up Fizzy drinks at the same time but having read a bit about withdrawal symptoms in the past few days I've realised that what I'm probably craving is the caffeine in the Chocolate...

So maybe I'm not a Chocolate addict, but a caffeine addict.

Either way, I'm giving up Chocolate until near Christmas (I'm planning on taking December "off" from serious weight loss attempts as I figure nobody loses weigh at Christmas). It's going to be hard, as I crave chocolate as a snack, I crave it when I'm due on (It's how I tell my period is due!), it's my go to treat... but I'm sure that I'll find something else. Skittles are good right?

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The Results

Two great things happened today.

First, I walked home from the Shopping Centre again and this time I had one ear listening to my ipod (Glee soundtrack, yes I'm a Gleek) and the other listening to my phone which was running Endomondo and every KM I walked told me that I walked another KM and gave me my lap time and estimated finish time. Of course, every so often Flyfour would also send me a message to let me know how I was doing, what my lap time was in miles per hour, how many calories I had burnt etc. It's a little pep talk which I swear I couldn't do my walks without.

The great thing, was not that Endomondo didn't crash or pause whilst I was walking, but that I walked just short of 9km in an hour and 45 minutes. Honestly, for me this was fantastic and a brilliant time for me to try to beat in the future.

Flyfour, asked if I wanted to start doing the walk twice a week, which whilst would be great, I pointed out in a few weeks time when it's the Summer Holidays I'm going to have to stop doing the walk completely as I can't really drag the children along. Flyfour suggested however that I could do the walk first thing on a Saturday morning, which is a great plan and would mean I'd be keeping up routine.

I'm hoping that by the end of Summer I have knocked 15 minutes off my walk.

The other good thing? Well, that's that I don't have an issue with my Thyroid. I'm pleased because as I said, I'm pretty certain it was just too convenient and I'm rather pleased that I don't have to take drugs everyday for the rest of my life to "fix" it.

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I was thinking about Tarmac the other day...

I was thinking about Tarmac the other day. It's okay, stick with me on this.

I know that it was patented in 1901 by Edgar Purnell Hooley, but that it was used before this as some roads in the ancient city of Babylon had tar paved roads, (honestly the random facts I have in my head would surprise you)... but who came up with the idea of tarmac and why?

Was a bloke (you know it was a bloke and not a girl) laying in bed one night when he suddenly thought "I know what could make a huge difference to walking along the road, if it was covered in a smooth substance" and immediately run out shouting it out to his neighbours? Did he immediately think of the sticky stuff that came out of burning peat? Did he think about cobbling the road first? Or was it an accident? Did he have a fire burning some peat and accidentally spill the sticky substance and when it was cooled see it left a smooth surface?

I came to the conclusion that we'll never know.

Well maybe if we bump into the right Babylonian citizen in Heaven and ask him, we will.

Of course, this isn't something that we have to know. It isn't something which we're going to be quizzed on in our next job interview (unless it's a job about the invention of tarmac) or is a requirement to get funds out of your bank account (although it's the sort of thing they are probably considering bringing in) and so you might wonder what's the point in thinking about it?

I think the point is that someone somewhere invented this, something that we take for granted. I mean I know that now we have asphalt and macadam and goodness knows what else to cover our roads in but surely tarmac was the starting point? Someone saw tarmac and thought I know how to make this better. And what thanks do they get? Not alot really. Just some blogger (that would be me) thinking about them randomly one afternoon.

One day in the future, our Children's, children's, children's, children's, children's, children's, children will wonder about us. They might be lucky and have our blogs to look back on, or our Twitter and Facebook accounts and even, if they are super lucky, our journals and diaries. Yet, will they care? Will they think, here is my Great, great, great, great, great grandparents life and I have them to be thankful for my life and for the lives of my parents and grandparents and so on?

Will they look back at what man has achieved now and think ahh yes, there was the generation that was responsible for the way we live our lives now. Had they not recycled/invented Social Media/created some great invention that I can't think of right now but future generations will heavily rely on then we wouldn't now be able to... well whatever the future generations take for granted.

Or will they just dismiss us as the past, as something that doesn't matter because the details have been forgotten?

Personally I hope it is the former and that we're not just some half baked thought one afternoon.

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The long walk home

I'm not sure why, but last Tuesday night I told Flyfour that I wanted him to give me a lift to the city (it's the colloquial phrase for the Milton Keynes Shopping Centre) the next morning, as I was planning to walk home from there. Flyfour looked a bit worried, he had once walked from our house (with BB in a buggy) to the shopping centre and I had given them a lift home and it wasn't a walk that he was sure overweight and unfit me could make... although he didn't come out and say that to be fair, (and he claims now it was just because the walk is a long and boring one), he just said it was a long way and was I sure that I wanted to do that.

I was determined though, I had it in my head that walking home from the City was a good idea. It was something that I had to do, and something which I was sure was going to allow me to push forward in my new lifestyle of being healthier and fitter. So Flyfour helped me work out the route I would walk and agreed to drop me off the following morning.

The following morning, after a quick walk (two hours is quick right?) around the City Centre, going in all the shops I wanted to, I set Endomondo going and set off walking home. A quick check of my phone about thirty minutes into the walk and Endomondo was paused, so not only did I not know how far I had walked, or have a rough calories burned estimation but I didn't have my route mapped and Flyfour who was following along on the PC at work wasn't sure if I was walking home or had taken up residency in the shopping centre.

Another thirty minutes later and Endomondo had paused again. This time I sent a tweet out, it felt like what I had accomplished (walking for an hour and covering about two and half miles) was being wiped out of existence. It was as if even Endomondo was suggesting I was too unfit to be bothered with, although I know that this isn't what was really going on.

A few minutes later and Flyfour noticed that the Endomondo tracker had me stopped at the side of a road for ten minutes and was worried, so he sent a text to me. I had actually walked quite a bit further than the Endomondo app had me and it was good to hear from Flyfour as I wasn't sure where I should be going and after a laugh about Endomondo losing me again, Flyfour gave me directions on where to go and I restarted the Endomondo app, hoping that a reboot would fix the tracking issue. I didn't know until I was home and looking later that evening with Flyfour, but it had worked. I think the problem is Endomondo didn't like I was also running Tunein radio, so the next time I'll come up with something that will keep both apps happy.

I knew that I was roughly half way home and despite my hip starting to hurt (why I went to the Doctors) and what I suspected was a blister forming (I was right and bloody painful it is too) I pushed on. The last hour of the walk seemed to pass quite quickly, I think in part because I "knew" where I was, this in the area I've lived in for the last twelve years, and also because I was starting to get eager to get home and have some lunch. Which I did as soon as I hobbled through the front door.

All in all the walk was fairly easy. Yes, it is a long walk and I wasn't quite sure where I was going at some points but it was actually quite fun and I'm going to do it again next week. I hope that once a week, a nice long walk will not only help me increase my fitness, and my stamina but will help tone my thighs and butt. I'll have a goal to work towards, to increase my speed of walking (I currently walk around 2.9mph, but would like to get it up to at least 4mph) and will be able to compete against myself. And maybe best of all, I'll be out in the fresh air and hopefully getting a little sun, or knowing the UK a little rain.

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An Under-active Thyroid... possibly

At my Doctors appointment a couple of weeks back, the doctor noticed that when I had a thyroid blood test a couple of years back that the results that had come back were borderline. That coupled with a few other pieces of my medical history and family medical history was enough to get her to send me for a blood test to check the function of my thyroid.

The doctor believed that I may have an under-active thyroid - or at least there was a possibility that I may have.

I went on the internet and checked through the different symptoms of an under-active thyroid. A lot of the symptoms were symptoms that I have. I have depression, I feel the cold, I get constipated, I'm tired a lot of the time, I have dry skin, I have brittle nails, I get muscle aches, I get cramps and I have the heaviest periods in the world... okay, so maybe not the world.

To be honest it would be a relief if I did have an under-active thyroid, there would be a reason that I put on so much weight, why it is hard to lose weight. Some of my other symptoms could be "resolved" with a simple hormone replacement tablet and maybe just maybe it would be easier for me to lose weight when the hormone in-balance was corrected.

And despite there being a family history and a lot of symptoms that could fit the diagnosis, I'm pretty sure that I haven't got an under-active thyroid. It just seems too convenient, too easy for me to say that some of the reason I've put on weight is because of a medical condition.

So I'll find out next week if I have or not and then we'll take the next step from there.

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The start of the 5:2 diet

It's Flyfour's fault we're on the 5:2 diet.

He mentioned that he had heard about this diet as Philip Schofield had been on it and lost a lot of weight quickly. Despite me wanting to slap him because he was using the crack phrase for dieters like me, I agreed that we would give it a go.

A lot of my online friends have tried, or are on this diet and I had watched the TV show that sort of kicked it all off on the BBC last August so I sort of knew what the diet was about and what it required, but I think that Flyfour hadn't as much knowledge as he seemed a little shocked when I explained what the fasting would consist of.

We started the diet on Saturday just gone, and I let Flyfour choose which days he wanted to fast on, figuring that it would be easier for him to have some control and it would be relatively easy for me because of my previous fasting experiences on the first Sunday of the month.

Monday was our first fasting day and I survived the day fairly easily, as I thought I would, although it was after dinner that I started to wish I could eat something else. Flyfour got 100 calories extra seeing as how he is a man, and he used those 100 extra calories to have a cup-a-soup at lunch as he was feeling quite hungry.

Tuesday was odd, neither Flyfour or I wanted to eat our breakfast, but we knew we should eat and so we managed something. Come lunch we were both feeling like we had no appetite and so we didn't eat a large meal, my lunch was actually only 29 calories but I was full and so didn't want to eat more!

I think that this diet is going to have a lot of success if even the next day my calorie intake is going to be reduced and for Daddy a short cycle (well short for him) burns off 500 calories, the amount his evening meal consists of.

We'll see how we feel about it at the end of six weeks though.

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The end of the six weeks

We finished the six ways to lose a stone in six weeks diet last Friday.

I started off so well, but towards the end of the six weeks I started losing steam. Flyfour was eating the meals but wasn't really following the rest of the plan and he was leading me astray. I know, I know I shouldn't have been in the position to be led astray and I shouldn't have been so reliant on Flyfour but I did, because as well as being my best friend he is also my support system.

I'm pretty certain that I put some weight on in the last couple of weeks of the diet, but still managed to lose a stone in the six weeks. The diet did exactly what it said on the tin (well book), I lost a stone in six weeks and so for that I guess that I should be happy.

The diet was a good reminder for me, about the amount of food I was putting in my body and it was allowing me to examine what it was that I was eating and how I could have the right nutrients just with lower calories.

It allowed me to experiment a little. I knew what snacks I could have, I knew what snacks were going to help me with my cravings and what was going to make me feel fullest for longest.

The diet allowed me to understand that salads can be magnificent plates of colour, texture and taste. I realised that I eat as much with my eyes as I do with my mouth and stomach and that means I need to make things look pretty.

 I think the most important thing that it did though was let me know that I can lose weight, if I stick to it.

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Magic Weight Loss Pills

I went to the Doctors yesterday. I went for one reason (my hip has been giving me some grief) and ended up having an appointment about something else (well I did get my hip sort of fixed). I was wearing my gym gear and we talked about my time at the gym, about losing weight and I made a joke to the Doctor that I was waiting for them to invent a magic pill that I could take that would help me to magically lose weight overnight.

The Doctor laughed and said that the pill had already been invented. I was actually shocked, I didn't think that this was the sort of thing that would ever be invented. The Doctor asked if I had even been on Xenical (I haven't), and explained that it isn't quite a magic pill but a way of stopping your body absorbing fat.

I don't think that I actually like the idea of taking Xenical.

Don't get me wrong, I want to lose weight and I would kill for it to be as easy as taking a pill before eating a meal that would magically (well chemically) mean that my body just put the fat straight out the other end (to put it politely) but it feels a little too much like cheating.

I said to the Doctor, that losing weight is simple really, you have to work out how many calories you put into your body and then burn off what isn't needed. It's the same way that I put on weight if you think about it, I ate more calories than I burnt off over a period of time and losing the weight is a hard slog, but it's one that will be worth it.

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Are Mother in laws evil or is it the daughters in law?

When I was growing up there were a lot of comedians, who liked to joke that Mother in Laws were evil. I never really got it, because as far as I could see my parents both got on with their respective Mother in laws. So I knew that it was a joke, that it wasn't something that really happened and then I found the man I wanted to spend my life with, and we dated and we got engaged and we got married.

My understanding of the mother in law relationship changed. I was now part of the relationship between mother and son, I was one third of the relationship.

I got on with my Father in law almost from the first second that we met, (and his Second wife), but my soon to be Mother in law seemed to be a little more distant. I was sure at first that she was disapproving because Flyfour and I were engaged and practically married before we met (as in my MIL and I not Flyfor and I) and then maybe because Flyfour and she were close, then maybe because I wasn't C.O.E. like she was...

I'm still not sure why she seemed not to like me. Maybe she really didn't like me, although I always thought and have been told that I am likeable. I'm still not close enough to my MIL to ask her and I certainly won't ask Flyfour to ask her so one of you is going to have to.

I could tell you hundreds of stories about my MIL, and I'm sure that she could tell you hundreds about me. And that's the point isn't it?

I chose Flyfour to be my husband, I knew that I wanted to spend my life with him but I didn't do the same "vetting" on my future in laws. These people are going to be in my life FOREVER (especially being LDS as I am as I believe that Family is eternal and not just death till we part) and yet the only connection I have to them really is their son.

Then when I had Big Boy, I understood that I was going to be the worst Mother in law in the world. This little boy means so much to me, because he's my son. Yes, I'm teaching him everything I can so that he is respectful, kind, loving, giving so that he is going to be one of the best darn husbands of all time and his wife will love me for it BUT I'm still going to want him in my life.

I'm going to want to come and see their babies, I'm going to want to have them round my house regularly for dinner and I'll want them to have me round to their home too. I'm going to want to be as involved in their life as I know that I will be involved in Top Ender's.

My poor daughter in law is going to hate me for being so involved.

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There is a reason

I'm not sure if it is having a faith, or just the way I think, but I'm pretty sure that everything happens for a reason. At times I might not know what that reason is, but eventually I find a meaning behind everything and so when something happens that makes me think;

"Oooh that's a bit strange!"

I know there is a meaning behind it.

On Sunday I was in my bedroom catching up on Doctor Who whilst preparing for next weeks Relief Society lesson (I'm teaching) and hanging around in case Big Boy needed me, as he had decided he wanted to play in his room. After it finished, I thought I should do a bit of House Keeping on the Sky recorder and so deleted off a few programmes that I no longer had an interest in watching. I was deleting off a lot of the series Touched by an Angel, when I came across one that wouldn't delete. So, I thought I'd best watch it.

The synopsis of the story on the sky guide was "The angels help a family that usually runs like clockwork, when everything seems to go wrong at once." As I started watching it, I realised that the crux of the issues that were to change this family's life and to bring them closer to God was the diagnosis of diabetes in their daughter. That's why in part that I started going back to Church, the diagnosis of Big Boy's diabetes. It's how I got closer to my Heavenly Father again. Before Big Boy was diagnosed a few things happened in our life, just small things that made the diagnosis that much easier to handle.

I started meal planning and making sure I understood what it was that we put in our bodies.

We got a proper schedule in place for what time we ate our meals, and when we exercised and when we went to bed and when we got up.

We started clearing out the junk in our home, allowing us to have space for things we needed.

There were many more things that happened, there were many more ways in which we were prepared for the huge change in our life, just like the characters in this TV Show and just like them I wanted to give thanks for my life and my family.

It seems strange to some people, that my son was diagnosed with a life changing illness and I wanted to give thanks.

I wanted to give thanks because I'm blessed, every time I give Big Boy an injection I remember how precious life is. Every time I wake up I remember how lucky I am, how lucky we are as a family to have the support of a wonderful care team, the technology to allow us to manage Big Boy's diabetes and the love of each other.

There were a few more messages in the TV show that were just for me, they are too personal at the moment for me to share, but I know that there was a reason that this particular episode of Touched by an Angel wouldn't delete and I'm grateful and proud to be my Heavenly Fathers daughter.

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Talent

I've been thinking a lot about talent in the last few weeks, I think it has something to do with my talk that I gave at Stake Conference and also because I've been watching Britain's Got Talent and The Voice.

Growing up, I didn't have a talent. At least I didn't think I did. The only thing I was really good at was reading, I could read a book in no time at all and quote huge chunks back but it wasn't really an example of an eidetic memory, just I was good at remembering what I had read. I'm still good at reading and remembering what I've read, but this is from years of practice and memorising huge chunks of plays to quote in essays and to perform on stage.

As I got older I realised that I enjoyed singing and according to Music Teachers I was quite good at singing. I had dreams of being the next big Superstar, but I knew that I didn't have the look or in reality the ability. As I got older still it was realised that I was also an okay actress and I was taught how I could use that to my best advantage. Still I wasn't good enough to win an Oscar, but I can fool most people into thinking I'm confident and not shy.

As I got older and found employment, it was discovered that I was a people person. I can make people relax, I can get people (most of the time) to do what I want them to do and interacting with them, despite actually being terribly shy is easy for me.

As I got older still it came about that some people realised that I was able to speak fairly eloquently. Yeah, I know that I don't show here on the blog, but trust me if you listen to me talking you'd apparently agree. I still think I sound like a wally putting on a fake posh voice, but I'm often told that I have a voice for radio. I'm pretty certain that this isn't an insult and that they aren't really saying I have the face like the back of end of a bus! ;)

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we don't always see our own talents. Others may point them out to us and we might not agree (I enjoy singing and I enjoy acting but I wouldn't say they were a talent) but we do have something that makes us special, that make us unique, that makes us who we are. What we need to do is work out what our talent is and it can make us happy.

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Clothes Shopping

I hate clothes shopping. I think that I always have.

I hate it because I'm fat.

It's okay, I'm allowed to say I'm fat because I am. You aren't allowed to say it though, because that's rude.

I'm losing weight steadily, I know because even though I'm not weighing myself for two more weeks my trousers keep falling down.

So I needed to go shopping. I need new clothes.

I brought a new top, a new cardigan and a new dress on Saturday.

I brought a scarf and a pair of trousers on Monday.

I brought a pair of shoes on Wednesday.

I brought some jeans on Friday.

Each day as I lose weight, I'm looking forward to buying clothes to fit me. I'm looking forward to going clothes shopping.

Apparently wonders never cease.

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Can we make the World a better place?

I've said countless times before that I don't read the news, because I hate that it is always doom and gloom and stories of death, dying, hate, crime and the sort of things that make you wish you had a magic wand to wish it all away. I always said that if something major happens, I'd hear about it. Someone would tell me.

With Twitter and Facebook though, I find out a lot quicker than I expect. Sometimes I hear about disasters before the major news channels have it up on their new pages or on the TV. And so it was yesterday when I heard about what is being called the Woolwich Attack, by the British media.

When I first heard it, I assumed it was gang related. I assumed that some stupid kids had decided that some more stupid kids were their enemy and had done a stupid thing.

And then, I found out.

I found out that a man willing to put his life on the line to protect his country, to protect those around the world who were being unjustly treated had been murdered, because the people behind the attack figured he was, as part of the British Army, murdering *his* people, rather than liberating a country from a dictator. I say *his* people because as far as I know the people who murdered this solider are British, as was the solider, so surely we are all the same people? Surely the only difference between them was a viewpoint.

And I cried.

As always there are going to be idiots posting that without religion this wouldn't happen, there are going to be idiots who think that just because you are a Muslim that you are a terrorist, there are going to be idiots posting racist drivel about how if you don't like this country then you are free to leave.

That's not the answer though is it?

Really, the only answer I have at this time is that maybe, just maybe if we all were a little nicer to each other, if we all cared a little more about those around us, if we put other people before ourselves and we taught our children that we don't judge based on religion, or skin colour or what ever else people think it's okay to judge other people on the World might be a nicer place.

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Zoning Out of Life

Something that I am always fearful of happening is zoning out at Church. When the Sacrament is passed, you get a few minutes (depending where you're sitting) before someone passes a tray to you and knowing how deeply I can get lost in thought I'm always worried that someone will have to punch me a few times before I wake up enough to realise what is going on.

It's only happened once. It was Easter Sunday and luckily we were sharing the pew that week with a family I know and they managed to "wake me up" fairly quickly. Well they managed to rouse me anyway. I know why it happened, I let my guard down because I'd already had the Sacrament passed to me and I had started praying and was so deep in prayer that I wasn't ready for someone quiet, I was waiting for something loud to rouse me from prayer!

It got me thinking though.

How many times in life have I zoned out? How much of my life have I missed out on?

How many of us live our whole life on autopilot not actually observing or taking part in what is going on around us?

I'm pretty sure that most of us live at least some of our life on autopilot. I can drive from my house to the supermarket and when I get there I realised that it must be a miracle that I didn't crash as I don't remember how I got there. It's like I've switched off, switched to autopilot and missed the last five minutes of my life.

I guess five minutes here and there is okay, it's the people that live their whole life on autopilot that I worry for really. They probably don't even know that they are missing out on their life. They don't realise that they aren't giving their all. They don't know that they aren't living an active life.

They don't know that they are missing out on the best thing, they are missing out on their life.

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I'm not ready yet

It's late.

I'm not ready to go to bed quite yet, so I'm putting it off.

I'm sitting here watching TV programmes that I've recorded at other times and writing blog posts.

I'm making plans for things I have to do tomorrow, and the day after and the day after.

I'm making a hot chocolate and drinking it to try to make me sleepy.

I'm making sure that the dishes are done.

I'm making sure that lunches are made and packed.

I'm trying not to lose myself in thought, trying to keep my thoughts straight.

I'm going to go and lay in bed with Big Boy and hug him.

I'm going to go and put my head on Top Ender's pillow and hug her.

I'm going to go and curl up in bed next to my husband and hug him.

I'm hoping that sleep will come soon.

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Stake Conference? You what?

I realised this morning that even though I had mentioned Stake Conference in my post You Can't Say No, and said that this was an LDS thing that only LDS people would understand that my non LDS friends are going to want more information about what it is exactly.... so this is my explanation.

Firstly to make things easier, I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and from now on I'll use the initials LDS. I'm a Christian, I read the Bible and The Book of Mormon and I believe that we have a living Prophet. I converted when I was 18 (I might have been 17,  I can't quite remember as I've had two children since then and lost half my brain cells) and I like Chocolate... oh wait, that is nothing to do with my religion!

So I go to Church in a Ward, this is basically a boundary to define the area and is really just another word for a parish. There are smaller congregations, and these are called branches, but I've never belonged to one! The Ward is presided over by the Bishop and his two Counsellors and we call this the Bishopric.

Local Wards are grouped together into Stakes, and these are presided over by the Stake Presidency, we have the Stake President and his two Counsellors and there is also a Twelve member Council called the High Council, but I actually don't know a lot about that or them. I'll give myself some homework and find out about it if anyone wants.

Above this we have Areas, which are where Stakes are grouped together and they have leaders too, but I doubt I'll be talking about those in the near future, so I'll explain those if I ever talk about them!

So every six months or so we have what we call Conferences. We have BIG ones where the whole Church across the World will listen to talks by our leaders and we call them General Conference. We have ones in our Ward, which funny enough are called Ward Conference and the talks are given by the Stake Leaders and then we have ones in our Stake too.

These are called Stake Conference and is the reason I was in so much of a tiz, was I'd been asked to talk in our Stake Conference this weekend. The talks in Stake Conference are generally from the Stake Presidency and Stake members (that's me) that have been called upon by the Stake Presidency to speak on a topic assigned to them.

My talk last night went well, I might type it up and add it as a blog post here, but I think that you get enough of my random natterings as it is ;)

So there you go, a basic grounding in phrases I drop as if they are totally normal (well they are to me!). If in the future I start talking Church phrases that you don't know just let me know and I'll explain or try to and find someone much more qualified to answer if I can't.

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What's At The End Of The Rainbow?

I was thinking last night on the drive home from the Theatre about the end of the rainbow. For Beverly and Sue and Angela, I'm pretty sure that they thought that marriage was the end of the rainbow for them and then when they got there, they discovered that it wasn't all happy ever after after all (Sue got a divorce, Angela was treated like a well, a woman in the seventies and Beverly was pretty evil really).

So what is the end of my rainbow?

At the moment losing the weight is my goal, so being the "right" weight for me is the end of my rainbow and I'm not sure what I'm expecting.

Am I expecting that as soon as I lose all the weight I will magically be happy?

Am I expecting that as soon as I lose all the weight I will magically be pretty?

Am I expecting that as soon as I lose all the weight I will magically be proud of my body?

Am I expecting that as soon as I lose all the weight I will magically be where I want to be in my life?

I don't really have the answer to what I'm expecting. I know that I'm not going to step on the Scales and as I step off a magical pulse will cover the world and all the problems I think are in my life be made better, but I'm not so sure that I full understand that in my heart.

I guess once I reach the end of the rainbow, I'll have to take it one step at a time.

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You Can't Say No

If you aren't a Latter Day Saint, then a lot of the phrases or things that I talk about might not make a lot of sense and this is one of those posts.

Earlier today, a member of the Stake Presidency gave me a call. We chatted for a few minutes about having missed each other at Ward Conference a couple of weeks back, and how we would catch up at Stake Conference this weekend when he dropped a bomb on me. He asked me to give a talk at Stake Conference, which at the time of asking was just three days away.

I accepted the talk, I really don't know why. And then I started to panic. Giving a talk to the whole of the Stake? That's worrying for me. I talk to you easily enough, but that's because you are all tiny people who live in my computer and who are more worried about if I put an apostrophe in the wrong place rather than what I'm actually writing about.

The members of the Church who will be at Stake Conference will want to listen to what I have to say. They won't care if my notes that I'm reading from are spelled correctly, they will care if I'm talking with the Spirit.

I've prayed and prayed and prayed. And I've had the inspiration that I need to approach this like I would a blog post. I need to write what I feel and pretend that I am talking to you... I'll let you know how it goes after my talk on Saturday evening.

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Do you ever hold on to a secret?

I have a secret, which I'm going to share because it isn't a "real" secret, it's just a thought that I like to keep to myself and when I'm feeling down or lonely or just want a few minutes to myself, I tell myself that secret and bask in the warmth that I get from knowing something special is going to happen.

It's selfish really. I know this because when I shared my secret with some friends they were so pleased for me and excited and happy and joyous and every other word you can think of, that if your friend told you some great news you'd squee out until you were spent.

There were plans made, and hugs given and messages exchanged and offers of support given and phone calls placed and grins all over the place. I do believe there were even a few prayers of thanks and love and praise.

Now, thinking back over the three groups of friends that I've told I can see the love and support that they unconditionally offer me and why they all reacted the way they did.

I can understand why they are so excited, it's the same reason I'm excited.

I know why there were tears, it's why I'm crying right now.

And so I'm sharing this secret with you, it won't make sense to a lot of you but to those in the know it will.

I'm going to the Temple.

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It's just like Crack

There are some phrases recovering over weight people, like me, hate to hear. Phrases like;

"I lost 7lbs in one week on this diet" 

or 

"I heard that Celebrities use this diet to lose up to a stone in a week!".

Phrases like that are like crack to us.

We're working hard to lose weight at a sustainable and sensible rate (roughly 2lb a week, but it can be more depending on how much weight we have to lose) and hearing that there is a new diet on the market that will help us lose a stupid amount of weight and quickly, immediately makes us want to jump on that diet.

We can't help it. We know in our hearts and heads that slow and steady wins the race, and that it is far more sensible to work at the weight loss, so that we understand how to maintain our weight when we eventually reach our goal, but getting to our goal a little quicker? Who wouldn't want that?

And so we plod on, wondering why other people can jump on a diet and lose so much weight in one week and we're stuck here losing it slowly.

And eventually we're get to our goal, and we'll be ready for the new challenges that lay ahead.

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My name is Dan Jon Jr

Over on A Mothers Rambling's I call the children by nicknames. To start with, it was because I wanted a level of security, if a stranger didn't know my Children's real name then they couldn't convince them that they knew them. And knowing that if I google myself I get some really dodgy stories, I wanted the children to have some protection of a future boss googling them and finding out about the time that they ran naked through the garden (actually that was childhood me) or snogged a boy in the cloakroom at School (again me).

Gradually the nicknames became used more often. If I was in a crowded place and I quickly needed my children's attention then their blog names get their attention quicker than shouting their quite common, given name.

Their nicknames became their second names, used almost as often as their real names.

I didn't think that it really effected them to be honest and then Big Boy started making videos of himself playing Minecraft. And at the start of every video he introduced himself to his viewing public;

"Hi! This is Dan Jon Jr. here..."

Who the heck is Dan Jon Jr? Who is Dan Jon Sr for that matter! We don't know anyone with those names, we don't even know a junior! And yet that is how he introduces himself.

Whilst I would quite like to know where the inspiration for this name came from, I'm not that worried about this alternative identity. He's introducing himself with a secret identity, because that is what he thinks you do on the internet. Why he chose these names, I don't really know but they are his. They are his identity, his chosen way to present himself to the world and I'm glad that at nearly five he's sure enough in himself to decide that he knows who he is.

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What would I do if I had no internet?

I'm not saying that I'm an internet addict, but I think I'm pretty close... So what would I do if I had no internet?

I'd clean the house from top to bottom.
I'd go to the gym or for a walk or a bike ride.
I'd go to my friends and Neighbours houses to chat.
I'd bake cakes, cakes and more cakes.
I'd cook every meal from scratch.
I'd read.
I'd write.
I'd not put things off.

I'd be bored
I'd be alone for most of the day.
I'd be lonely.
I'd be fatter than I am now
I'd be frustrated.
I'd be less educated.
I'd be more in my head.
I'd find new ways to procrastinate.

I guess that even though the internet can be the thorn in my side, that it brings as much as takes away from my life.

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I'm not fat but you are

I thought that I was setting a good example.

I thought that by showing the Children how to eat right, how to exercise and how to not get to the point where I am (overweight) that they were going to live happy and healthy lives. Diabetes of course screwed that up for Big Boy in part, but it turns out that I have too.

"I'm not fat but you are" is something said to me on a daily basis by Big Boy. Big Boy has understood what I've been saying and instead of understanding how it applies to me and instead of taking it as a warning and having an understanding of why I'm overweight and how we can stop me from being over weight and how we can prevent him and his Sister from becoming over weight he sees it as something that he can use as an insult.

And yet he doesn't understand that to me it is an insult.

I mean, yes he is 100% right. I am fat and he isn't. He is just making a statement of fact as he sees it (and there is nothing like a child to make a statement of fact that cuts straight to the heart of the matter) but I still see it as an insult as I'm sure all of the people he might say it to will.

I've created a problem and I don't know how to solve it.

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Happy birthday me

So, it's my birthday.

For the last couple of years I've pretended that I'm bothered that I'm growing older. I've joked about being younger than I am and even friends who were in the same School year as me, joined in with the joke.

But it doesn't bother me.

I'm not worried that I've got a few grey hairs (apparently as I can't see any) or that I'm closer to my death than I am my birth.

I have a brilliant life. I have a wonderful family. I have faith. I have (for the most part) my health. I have friends and later on today I will have cake.

And yet I still pretend.

So if you see me on Facebook or Twitter today telling you that I'm 28 or there about, then tell me I don't look a day over twenty. Tell me Happy Birthday. Just join me with the joke.

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Six Ways To Lose A Stone

When Flyfour and I were engaged we decided that we needed to lose weight. We decided that what we really needed to do was to diet together because that way we would have the support that we needed in the form of each other and at this point we were always eating together anyway. Somehow we ended up deciding the diet we wanted to follow was the "Six Ways to Lose a Stone in Six Weeks", we brought the book and Judith Wills (the author) became our guru.

There are six sets of questions at the start of the book, that help you work out what diet would be best for you to follow. The six diets are;

The Detox and Energise Plan
The Healthy Fast Food Plan
The Sweet-tooth Plan
The Meat-free Plan
The Business Plan
The Family Plan

The first time we answered the questions, there were a two different diets that we could follow. The Healthy Fast Food plan and the Sweet-tooth plan, but as Flyfour hasn't a sweet tooth as big as mine we decided to follow the Healthy Fast Food Plan. Which meant we got to eat McDonalds. We like McDonalds.

The diet was brilliant. We both lost just over a stone in the six weeks, just as the book said we might.

There were unlimited foods that we could eat if we wanted to, there are recipes which were great tasting and easy to follow. There are stories that we could draw inspiration from and exercise suggestions which mean it was a lot easier to work out how to burn off the extra 250 calories a day that the diets suggest.

And after the diet finished we kept the book on the shelf, so that we could use it again if we needed to. And we did a few times, not just for some of the foods that we discovered we like, but for following the plan again from time to time.

And then last week when I weighed myself and realised that I had put back on most of the weight I had lost I knew that I had to get the book out again. So I told Flyfour that we were on a diet. This time I chose the Family plan as the base, but because of our unique circumstances and my knowledge of the book from past uses I've picked a few recipes from all the plans (it's allowed!).

We've been on the diet since Saturday, and apart from an issue with the Aubergine and Lentil Curry last night (Big Boy didn't want to eat it and there is way more than four servings in the amount I made more like ten, but I followed the recipe straight!) nobody has noticed anything different from what we normally eat.

I've been keeping note of what I'm eating on myfitnesspal (feel free to add me as a friend) and I'm seeing a difference already in my clothes, although I'm not going to weigh myself until the six weeks are up.

So the next few weeks (and no doubt several posts) will be about the diet and my fitness and I'm hoping that once the six weeks are up I can go on it again and again and again, (I mean I have ten stone to lose so I could basically live on this for a year and be within a stone of my goal weight) but I'm not thinking about that for now.

Right now I'm thinking about the next six weeks and one stone and that's it.

I think that maybe, just maybe that might be the key to my success.

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Back to the beginning

I've put weight on.

I have brilliant will power. I mean seriously, if I say to myself I'm not going to do something then I don't do it. Take Coffee and Alcohol as an example. When I changed my religion and became a member of The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints I stopped drinking Coffee and Alcohol without a second thought. I stopped eating ice cream because I knew it was a weakness of mine and when I was about sixteen my Mum says that I stopped eating crisps and chocolate although I'm pretty sure I blocked that one out of my memory.

It's not that I get bored. I mean how can anyone get bored eating a wide range of fruit and veggies? I love Salad and there are hundreds of ways to eat and prepare it and I've talked to a nutritionist so often I know that the meals that I prepare are balanced and within the right calorific intake for the family.

So it's not boredom, it's not lack of will power, it's more like I get comfortable.

I forget that I need to exercise more and eat less. I forget that what goes in has to be used by my body or I put on weight and it's not even just a little bit of weight. It's normally what I lost and then some.

So I'm back at the beginning of my losing weight journey.

This time I know that I shouldn't throw myself in to exercise as much as I did, because if I do I can't keep it up and will punish myself. This time I'm stronger and more able to understand not only my voices (in my head) but also my body, my diet and my own pace.

I know that this time I'm not going to lose all the weight magically overnight, I mean I knew it before but I was still hoping, this time I need to do a lot of work, and I know it.

So this time I'm ready for it.

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Chantenay Carrot Snack Packs

Carrots are one of my most favourite vegetables. I'll eat them steamed, boiled, roasted, raw, grated, dipped or in cakes and muffins, sliced in sandwiches... basically I'll eat them any which way. So when I was asked if I wanted to go and try some new snack pack carrots I said No. Why, would I want to go and try a sliced carrot in London when I can eat a sliced carrot in my kitchen? Then the guys at Chantenay Carrots asked if I'd want to try some at home, and I never say no to a free carrot.

The information I had about the Chantenay Carrot Snack Packs said that the carrots are;

"... neatly packaged fresh sliced carrots created the "Chantenay way"... our carrots are already small we don't need to cut them into vegetable shapes or dip our carrots into chemical solutions to keep them fresh. They are naturally small, sweet and very crunchy."

I thought that this meant they were going to be little baby like carrots, but no the carrots are sliced carrots just short, perfectly formed, carrots. I had some for a mid morning snack and they were lovely and crunchy and perfect for me to munch on whilst I was busy hanging out the washing.

The packs are for sale in Morrisons from the 6th May for 85p and I've been reliably informed that they come with a little dipping pot of Hummus too. It's an easy way to get one of your five a day and I think quite a good one the go snack.

I was sent three packs of the Carrots, but no Hummus. So I made my own. YUM!

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Some People

I think that I've always known that some people will never change.

I was lucky, I changed. I saw that my selfish ways were not the way I wanted to live. I saw that the childish reactions I had were not the ways I wanted to react. I realised that I wanted to put other people first, I knew that there was a better way to live.

As I said though, some people never change.

Some people remain the same through out their lives, not realising the destruction that they leave in their wake. They think that because the strategy has worked in their past and they survived unscathed that it is the right strategy.

And the people that don't survive their wrath? The people that they cut down because they grow taller and straighter than the rest? Well, they may be cut down but they'll grow back.

And next time, they'll be stronger because they will change, they will adapt.

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I should have known

When you put your head above the parapet someone will notice you. Even if you weren't expressing an opinion and were merely looking up to see what was around, someone will notice you.

Then they will notice your talents.

And they will notice that you aren't using your talents in ways which you could so easily be using them.

You'll be encouraged to use your talents, and you'll end up doing something which you never intended to do.

You might find that you enjoy it. Then again you might not.

I should have known not to raise my head above the parapet.

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My thoughts are with Boston

Half my life ago, my Dad was a runner. Not just any kind of runner though, he ran marathons. I can't quite remember how he did it, but he won a place in the Boston Marathon thanks to some Magazine but the weekend that it was on happened to coincide with the first week that my American Exchange Student was going to be with us and so he declined the prize. Thanks in part to him and my natural love of running I've always looked out for news about Marathons, determined that one day I'll run the London marathon and the Boston like my Dad should have.

And when my husband came home from his bike ride this evening telling me there was some terrible news I knew it was related to the Boston Marathon. Flyfour told me enough of the news that I wouldn't have to go and watch the news, or read it on Twitter because he knew that if I did I'd break down and cry.

And so this evening I've prayed and I'll continue to pray as it is all I can offer.

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Parenting Today

Watching the Children play together this past half term has made me think about how I would cope as a Stay at Home Mum in previous decades. How would I cope if I had been bringing up my Children in the 90's? The 80's? The 70's? The 60's?

I'm sure that I would have been a much more different person to the one I am now. The slight and subtle cultural changes that mould us all in ways we can't possibly imagine, would have made me a different me. I don't think I would swear as much as I do, I doubt I would be as overweight  I wouldn't have as many friends from different cultures as I do and I wouldn't class men as some of my best and closest friends. Would I have a different religion? Would I have friends who were different religions? Would any of my friends not go to Church?

I guess that these are questions that I will never really know the answer to.

My Mum was always there, but I'm not sure what she did exactly. I mean I know she did the household chores and cooked the meals, but did she turn off between 9am and 3pm whilst I was at School? Did she sit and watch daytime TV? Did she have friends that she would go and see? Did she go back to bed or was there something else other than me that filled her days?

My childhood was so different to my own Children's.

I was allowed to play on the back field without my Mum watching my every move. I was allowed to ride my bike around the alleyways of the estate on a Sunday morning before my parents woke up. I was allowed to walk to the local park alone, even though it meant crossing a road.

It wasn't that my parents didn't care, just the norm back then was for Children to have more freedom than they do now. I was taught stranger danger of course, but not as fanatically as I teach my own children now.

I don't think my parents had to worry about how much time I spent watching cartoons on TV, as back then Children's TV wasn't on all day every day. They didn't have to worry about me using electronic devices, as those that I did have weren't like the ones of today.

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